From My Point of View: Love, Sex, and Marriage
Understanding the economy, politics, history, philosophy, and many other complex matters is an interesting way to digest, in a big sphere, how humankind behaves over time. Correct me if I’m wrong, but there’s always a micro explanation to the bigger cause and effect. If I put it in a simplified way, capitalists were born out of the individual inherent nature of greed and selfishness to profit as much as possible by owning capital and exploiting workers. That idea then was somehow popularized because it made a lot of sense to many other people that the richer, the better, regardless of the number of humane principles that we have to neglect in order to achieve our capitalistic gains.
I think love in itself is a part of the micro complexity of life. How you love and how you understand love is manifested through years of indoctrination and multiple traumatic experiences that we weren’t even aware of. Indoctrination and traumatic experiences are collections of your own perception of the world which is the macro view of your own life.
What is love is the question I’m failing to answer even to this day as I have no right to describe other individuals’ experiences about love. How ones’ love is perceived can only be justified by ones who have the right to perceive it: the ones who feel in love and the ones who are being loved — they might feel loved or not at all, and it’s up to them.
In this already depressing life that expects everyone to survive at the speed of a lightning bolt, I am enabled by the dreading universe to associate love with hatred, absence, and anger by the manifestation of my own perception of how my circle operates — family, friends, lovers, and the society. A big complication of what’s supposedly a part of a human’s most beautiful experience in life. With this destructive affiliation, I live my individualistic life to capture the unexplored realm in our reality. A dying realm. A realm where only the unlimited minds would have the urge and courage to explore. A realm ready to fall into chaos and disappear in a blink of an eye.
I wanted to believe that love was boring — excruciating, even — and it was a part of a domestic step of life before marriage. Now, I find marriage as the boring part of a human’s primal needs as opposed to what we portray as love.
When love is about shared vulnerability, understanding of obscurity, and kindness, marriage is about shared assets, understanding of two sets of families, and petty politics.
The essence of love starts to fade away to the thin air right after legalized papers are involved in the matter. I managed not to fall into the trap of believing that love expands with marriage when in our cruel reality, love ends with marriage and it’s replaced with something the commons call commitment and what I call a terrifying attachment to uncertainty.
In addition, sex is just an embodiment of human biological need (or primal need) and desire that has nothing to do with the complexity of love. In other words, sex is just sex. Sex is just a transfer of energy through the co-optation of bodies — domination and a sense of fulfillment. I find sex as a diversion from a dying realm that I call my mind — an amusement; distraction. I believe it’s not uncommon for a lot of people to opt into this primal need as a form of diversion from the torturous amount of time and energy they spend to think about the complexity of the world; the complexity of sex.
Although, I understand that most people don’t even have to think in order to fall to this amusement. They just blindly do it. How they’ll justify their own primal actions will be determined by the constructed narratives the majority of the commons popularized:
“Sex is sacred therefore sex is only justified to be done in action after marriage.”
When in reality, just like love, you have to be able to have sex with the right person. The idea that the capability to love someone translates to the ability to want to have sex with someone is absurd, don’t you think? I might be able to have sex with someone and not able to be in love with them. It is something that’s supposed to be figured out in sync. Unfortunately, we live in a society that constructed sex as a result of love and not an independent entity. Lust and desire fill in a different kind of an empty bottle of fulfillment, I’d add.
Lastly, love is present for your inability to love certain parts of yourself. Let’s concede — even with the amount of acceptance and contentment that we have brought to our own lives — there are certain parts of our souls and bodies that are gloomy and empty. There will be times when we grow to despise what we love — analyzing and thinking too much about the complexity of the world — and we need a rest. Love will be present for our inability to stop analyzing and stop thinking; to give ourselves that break in this dreading universe.
In conclusion, love is more than marriage, and sex is not greater than any of those. Perhaps we all have different views on how we see love, sex, and marriage and that difference is what I think of as something beautiful as we all have different perceptions of our own realities.
